Tuesday, March 1, 2011

You, Too, Can Become Belgian

Every country has its thing that isn't trendy anywhere else. Belgium just has more of them, that's all. While they're striking in protest of whatever isn't stylish in Belgium that week, they occupy their time with the following things:
1. dancing like poultry. Every non-Belgian in Belgium knows what I'm talking about.
2. being proud of their non-government
3. hating Queen Elizabeth II. Maybe this isn't everyone, but I've heard from a lot of people that she just looks mean.
4. eating cabbage
5. telling me I have obviously heard of this band, because they're famous in Belgium
6. looking like Justin Bieber
7. having more hair than reasonable
8. smoking
9. complaining about public transportation
10. doing their best to look ballin' when mommy drops them off for school because they're not allowed to drive yet
11. telling me that I'm not allowed to drink back home, so it evens out not being allowed to drive
12. they eat peppers too. Everything is pepper flavored. Like bell peppers, not like spicy or salt-and-.
13. complaining about immigrants
14. being hipsters- big glasses, dreadlocks, ironic sweaters, generally being underground. It's getting difficult to tell all these alternative people apart.
15. complaining about school, forcing me to resist telling them about walking through snow uphill both ways, past Ford Street in the North Country winter to get to the library, so I could do some research for my 50 page English paper.
16. talking about feelings
17. talking about Belgium while Japan is melting see: Prince Laurent in Congo. i.e. not seeing the Big Picture
18. Idioms. There is not a single Belgian who speaks literally
19. Surrealism. Just accept what is happening and everything will be just fine. Watch out for the bicyle-pianos, accordeon-trumpets, and amputee guitarists.
20. going on strike about something else

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