Surprisingly enough, there are loads of pretty fantastic people to meet outside the limits of the Dirty O. They have taught me some of life's most important lessons, and some tricks to get by. You're welcome.
1. Never trust a man who can't stop peeing.
2. Always dry between your toes
3. Some people just need a reason to complain because they haven't had a good bitchfest in a while. Even if they do attack you very personally, just let it roll and know that this person is pathetic to be acting like this at 48 years old. For example.
4. No one, but no one, talks about your mother like that. To take a stab at your upbringing is presumptuous, rude, and totally uncalled for. Yes, I am in fact having one of those bitchfests I was just talking about. But I still like your mother; she seems like a very nice woman.
5. Sandpaper can be used to shave. Yes, like that thing on TV. Fine grain works best because it doesn't hurt.
6. Jungle fever is real. The most frequent cause is over-exposure to South Americans and the knowledge that they will not always be directly available.
7. Graduation goggles are also real. It's the same idea, but with absolutely everything and everyone that won't be around in a very definite amount of time.
8. Good God, no drummers.
9. As my AP Euro teacher says, it's just sandpaper. As my father says, tu t'enfarges dans les fleurs du tapis. You're tripping on the flowers in the carpet. That is, don't make life difficult by getting caught up in the details.
10. It's OK to be the Big Spoon and tell 'em who's boss. It's also just fine to be the little spoon and appreciate that you have someone to watch over you.